I slept through most of the today show, but I feel I was given reasons to wonder about things. I'm only specifically going to choose Bethany. I've been paranoid and confused with Bethany Frankel before. She must be one of their favorites. Her latest fame has been her dieting books called, "Skinny Girl." If I'm connected, I take it as a compliment. I'm not used to being referred to as being skinny. Perhaps medium, every once in awhile fat remarks, but its been awhile that I've been referred to as skinny. Well, I guess it hasn't but from that kind of a source, I feel a little better about my body. Anyway, her engagement is with a Jason. This is the second time they have mentioned it.
I'm pretty sure it is the Jason from Fridays with the food that they were presenting. Possibly Jason Mraz, but I'm not confident that it is him. Before I talk about either of them, I will say and remind them of what MOSCOW said. No, we're not still lovers or seeing each other. He has a firm and fair agreement with me that I am sticking with. I don't say it to make anyone jealous or that I still want him. I'll have to fish around for the article but I will give a brief explanation. It deals with Uranium and Middle East men. Men from India, or from the middle east I relate as the ones who want the relationship with women who stay at home and wear burkas. I think of human trafficking and lack of women's rights as well. I think of invasion of privacy and taking possession, when they have never approached me in person, taken me out on a date, or been around me for me to get to know them and for me to know whether or not I want to make my own personal decision of wanting a mutual relationship. It is very unfair, feels degrading most of the time, feels heartbreaking other times, and ultimately not feeling like the person I am. Thus, the Uranium. A reminder of what Uranium is: an element that deteriorates and has no consistency. I think it could kill a person if they are not careful. In lamen's terms, it means a purposeful rotting and uncommitted relationship. The middle east men had a talk with Moscow not long ago that obviously wasn't taken to heart when he was explaining why the burkafied women were not committed to their Stockholm middle eastern men.
There are some men that it burns with more than others. I sometimes hear their comments and the things they say. I am often accused of being a hooker, stupid, or a lesbian. I have been called plenty of other names and have experienced many other kinds of hate for this standard of mine. After saying such things, I burn more because of their emotional ignorance and lack of understanding. There are some stockholmers that I honestly have a heart for and it breaks my heart so many times that instead of choosing to respect and acknowledge what I want, they choose to hate on me instead. I think in their eyes, they see it as a battle of submission. My battle isn't over submission, but over feeling like a human being. With the way they do some things, they really don't get how degrading to the point of abuse it is. I do know how to respect a man's rules. It is the way and the system that they use that is the issue. It is a battle for good humanity and human rights. It has nothing to do with dominance.
I don't really give these men a chance, because I don't feel like I'm really given a chance or choice when I feel I am being kidnapped. Also, when I feel ganged up on or code-talked with. I like to be in conversation where I don't feel like I'm interrogated but where we are on the same page or they at least try to explain their page better for me to be able to respond without feeling restrained in any way. I need to feel that definite confirmation. I need to have some level of a friendship and compatibility.
I know typical men hate rules. Rules are meant to be broken. If there are rules, or shots being called, only the man is allowed to do it. This is a rule that I can't and won't change my mind with. This is a diamond rule. It is a rule I mean with all my heart and do take it to heart.
In a paranoid aspect, I feel I could almost be called a hypocrit over it. If you would hear the slut remarks that get made about me, it proves otherwise. Sluts are Uranium. If a man really wants a commitment or something other than Uranium, I need to feel the respect and acknowledgement supporting me in how I feel. I want to feel valued and not so inferior, and harassed with ridicule or restraint. I need to be talked to directly, obviously, and in a manner where I can talk back and where I don't feel abandoned either, and where I know where he stands as well.
In reference to either Jason, I need to see them in person, be physically around them for me to get to know them. It has been so long since I have seen Jason V. I need to see it for myself how he honestly feels and who and where he is now. If it is Jason Mraz, the same thing goes.
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